I have a colleague which is very defensive. Unfortunately, my supervisor does not support me wen the colleague attacks me. I have learned to watch what is going on in my work environment and how the colleague is behaving without being judgmental. As I am observing the situation, I need to be thinking about words to communicate my ideas without coming across being crutical. My colleagues need to feel they can trust the fact that I am not trying to do anything intentional to hurt then or mislead them.
I need to focus on the outcome I want instead of what I do not want. When colleagues try to demand something form me, I can change the negative tone to a positive tone by making it a request. Adults do not want to be treated like children. Children want to be seen as humans. Ultimately, humans want to know they are heard and their point of view is valuble. I have learned that a major way to resolve conflict is to listen.
"It takes a villiage to raise a child." -African Proverb-
Sounds like you are in a tricky situation to build a relationship with your colleague at work. Have you considered the possibility this person is unaware how his or her actions are perceived by you? Without pointing fingers you can make an observation, share your feelings and also indicate your needs. Then listen to their side of the issue, maybe you will be pleasantly surprise!
ReplyDeleteRohzawne
DeleteI think it is a shame that your supervisor is not looking at the situation from both sides and just standing in the middle observing and doing nothing. I use to do this with my teenagers and now if they fight, I jump right in to mediate or stop the fight. Fortunately, for me they stop fighting, I suppose my tactics worked.
Rohzawne,
ReplyDeleteI think everyone at one time or another has been faced with a negative, or very defensive person, especially at work, I know I have. And I think far to often we do the same, and right away jump to that same mode of defense. But I think you really hit it on the nail, and the key to dealing with these kinds of people, is to first stop and think, and then observe these people, in different situations with different people. I know I have done this personally myself, and some times it really does change your perspective on that person. And I also completely agree with you that one way to really resolve conflict, is to first take the time to just listen. Great Job!
Sylvia